Focus on the truth

A while ago I was in a meeting with some associates and we were working on a tough problem that none of us had expertise or particular strength in.  I was feeling out of my depth and inadequate.

The meeting went ok but I didn’t leave the meeting feeling like we had really nailed the solution and mostly I felt like my performance had been inadequate.

A couple of days later, we were all back in a meeting and we decided to debrief how the original meeting went and how we could improve our effectiveness as a team going forward.  We all chipped in with our thoughts and shared I said that I felt inadequate and not up to standard.

What was interesting was the feedback I received which was that while I might have been having those feelings and they were valid, my feelings weren’t the truth of the situation.  In fact, improvements could be made by everyone involved in the meeting and by me ‘falling on my sword’ and effectively trying to take all the responsibility – this wasn’t helping the others in the room be accountable for their part in the process.

Essentially, my self-diagnosed inadequacies were not at the heart of the matter.  Sure, they exist but there’s a whole bunch of other factors that need to be addressed so that the best outcomes can be achieved.

If you’ve ever experienced a similar situation, here’s my lessons that could help you:

Number 1

Recognise that the feelings exist.  Feelings themselves are ok but they’re not central to solving the problem.  Instead focus on the other person – what do they need from you right now, rather than letting your feelings take control.

Number 2

Be vulnerable – if I had shown up in the first meeting and said “this is new to me and I’m feeling out of my depth and inadequate” I think that everyone at that table would have said the same thing and then we could have operated from a place of honesty and authenticity which will get us further, faster.

Number 3

Ask yourself:  what do I need to do before the meeting?  In this context, I am more meaning from a mental perspective.  The question I would ask myself is “how do I need to show up?”  What mindset am I taking into this meeting?

I often will dovetail that with asking myself what are the outcomes that need to be achieved? Because that will often spit out the mindset needed.

The main takeaway here is that while feelings are important and you can and should acknowledge them, they’re often not the truth of a situation.  To get to the truth, you have to recognise your feelings and then go beyond them to get to the truth and sometimes that means sharing your vulnerabilities in order for others to feel like they can do the same.